We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But if you read my post Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and it’s not because they aren’t bad boys), you understand that nice guys have more control over whether they finish last than they realize. To help further this, I want to discuss 6 important dating tips for nice guys who don’t want to finish last:
1. Resist The Clinging Impulse
We definitely can’t ignore the fact that some nice guys have a tendency to come off as needy or clingy and if you’re a nice guy doing this, you really have to scale this back. When you meet a woman, your initial communications are crucial and it’s important that you don’t overwhelm or suffocate a new love interest.
If you’re not sure whether you’re giving women the needy vibe, check out my post 8 Signs You’re Dating A Needy Guy. Although you may have good intentions at heart, many women are not attracted to men who are needy, clingy, or need an overwhelming amount of attention.
If you send a woman a text message, don’t send 4 or 5 more texts back to back before getting a response from the first one. Or maybe you’re guilty of getting off the phone with a woman and then immediately texting her to continue the conversation. Calling a woman a second time in the same day when she hasn’t returned your first call is another great way to get boxed into the clingy category.
The harsh reality is that if you don’t immediately get a response from your text or call, you have to exercise patience and just wait for a response. If you never get one, don’t send a flurry of texts or blow up her cell.
You have to take the situation for what it is, she’s just not that into you. And that’s okay because every woman isn’t going to be right for you and a woman’s disinterest gives you the freedom and ability to find that woman who is right for you. Take it as a blessing that you don’t have to spend weeks and months dating a woman who isn’t going to be around long-term and only feels lukewarm about you at best.
Which brings me to my next tip…
2. Let Feelings Develop Naturally
It’s important that you avoid being needy or clingy so that things can develop naturally over time. I know some men will say that holding themselves back isn’t authentic and that they should be able to fully be themselves with a woman. But, no one is asking you not to be yourself. I’m just saying that you can’t try to latch onto someone too quickly.
You have to take your time because you can’t force a woman to fall in love with you by suffocating her.
3. Women Need Time To Reflect
Most women need space and time to reflect and think about, and even fantasize about, the person they’re dating. They need to think about the conversations you’ve had, the moments you’ve enjoyed together on dates, and other things.
The act of thinking about you is where the feelings and emotions start to develop. But, if you don’t give a woman some space and time to let yourself pop into her head naturally, she’s not going to fall for you the way you want her to.
You want a woman to want to hear your voice, but if she’s hearing your voice several times a day right after she meets you, she’s probably not going to get to that point. So it’s really important that you allow there to be space for the feelings to grow and develop.
And, I hope you nice guys can see that slowing down and pacing yourself when you’re dating or trying to date a woman has nothing to do with not being yourself.
4. Build Your Confidence
For some nice guys it’s their lack of self-confidence that keeps them from getting women. It’s not just you men that like to date confident people. Women like confident men too. And, just like guys can spot insecurity in women, women can spot insecurity in men as well.
The reality is, a lack of self-confidence is a turn off. So you have to work through your insecurities and build up your self-confidence so that you can be more attractive to women.
This is how it works for many of us women– You could have a man that’s a 7, but his personality and confidence brings him up to a 10. So, once you build your confidence, you’ll actually feel more comfortable letting your full personality shine through and you’ll ultimately be more attractive to women in the long run.
5. Never Lead With Your Financial Foot
Some nice guys are guilty of using their financial resources to win a woman over or make her fall in love with him. However, leading with your financial foot will only draw the wrong kind of women into your life.
If you feel like you have to shower a woman with gifts and throw your money around for her to like you, then she’s really not the right woman for you and she’ll probably only stick around for as long as you continue to throw that money around.
6. Be Mindful Of The Women You Chase
To their detriment, some nice guys have a habit of chasing after women who like the “bad boys.” Unfortunately, in the end, with this type of woman, you’re going to lose every time. You will surely get your heart broken in your efforts to show this kind of woman a real, amazing, and healthy love.
Women who love bad boys have to mature and get to a certain mental state before they can walk away from their bad boy loving lifestyle. Picking an evolved, mature, self-confident (not arrogant) woman is how nice guys can finish first! This is the kind of woman who will always appreciate you for who you are and never take you for granted.
So, instead of trying to convert this woman into a nice guy loving dater, look for the woman who has already evolved past the point of being interested in a bad boy. This is the woman who will appreciate you, love you, and never take you for granted. This is where you will flourish!
For more great insight into the female mind and experience, check out my new book, Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve — Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Till Next Time,
Dee
Dee's Dating Diary 